Where Is My Mind?
by The Original Frizzi
Summary: A trip through the Fade brings up some painful memories. Songfic DAWC challenge! Rated M for adult themes and language... you have been warned. OCxDaveth, OCxAlistair; should have specified earlier, I know! xD


_A DAWC challenge I have accepted: write a songfic. Credits of the game go to Bioware; credits of the song to go the Pixies._

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><p><em>"Your head will collapse<br>__But there's nothing in it  
><em>_And you'll ask yourself_

_Where is my mind?  
><em>_Where is my mind?  
><em>_Where is my..."_

The girl was only aware of warmth at first... warm light on her skin, warm softness under her feet, warm air she was breathing... She opened her eyes, meeting a cloudless sky paired with the brilliance of the sun's light. The soft ground was what she looked at next: grass. The toes peeking out from under her skirt wiggled and scrunched, taking in the sights of it sifting, sticking up between her toes. She had to have been here before, since she doubted she could feel such complacency elsewhere.

Giggling from behind her found two light blond haired girls bent over something... her younger sisters playing with her mabari in the shade of the trees, at the edge of the forest. Greenery stretched further out behind them. It definitely was beautiful here. She was glad she came.

"There you are," a male voice, now behind her, said. Turning back, she got an eyeful of chest... a very fine, naked chest, if she would say so. It was all she could focus on. She didn't need to see his face; she knew his voice, knew his body. It was enough for her. She watched as he extended a hand towards her. "Come with me," he beckoned her.

She turned once again, seeing the two squealing girls running away from their "hiding" spots behind her legs, across the sandy stretch of island, holding hands as they went and carrying their toy dolls with them. From here, she could see the brilliant red that soaked into the cloth, dripping in arcs onto the brilliant gold of the sand with each sway.

And I had just washed those too, she thought with mild irritation.

"They'll be fine," the same male voice reassured her, turning her away once more. His tanned, taut body held her gaze like a beacon as he walked backwards into water so blue, she could scarcely believe it was real. Her first step was taken as it lapped at the sand at the edge of her feet. The water felt warm too, so warm she could stay there all day. She kept walking forward, her bared body following Daveth's familiar crooked smile, trusting him with her...

He had eventually stopped moving, allowing her to meet him. No words were spoken, and nothing else existed except for his lips. Skillfully, they met hers, closed eyes blinding her to the outside world. Hands stroked her, his tongue tasted her, arms held her, and she did the same. Warm waves pushed on either side of them, pushing them even closer together, making her laugh as he nearly lost his balance, and moan as he used the moment to cradle himself close to her. The last time this had happened, she remembered with a smile, was in a small tent at a camp. It was their last moment to be close, the night before...

_Before what?_

She pulled back, wanting to remember and about to ask him, when the arms held her tighter. "Hush, I have you," his warm voice crooned. Her body relaxed once more, reclining back onto the grass. He followed her, his strong, muscled body covering her own like a blanket of life and shared desire. Alistair kissed her again, this time wanting to coax a reaction from her. He'd pull his lips, his hands, back just enough to remain in the moment, yet enough to make her reach for him. And it worked; she was so turned on, her body ached for him. The third time this happened made her growl and hold his head in place as she devoured his mouth, the bitter taste of the ale he drank coating her tongue. She clung to him like he was the only thing saving her from being swallowed up by oblivion.

_No... this isn't right... I haven't- he wouldn't-_

She was brought back to the moment by being filled, hard strength pressing into her repeatedly, his smothered grunts in contradiction of her soft gasps. His body blocked what little light there was, from a lantern that was set onto a bedside table. It didn't matter, since she wasn't wanting to look anywhere else in the room. A particularly forceful thrust slid her upwards, her head lolling precariously on the edge of the bed, now... the foot of the bed, so her smell wouldn't linger on the pillows...

She was numb to everything.

She had to be.

_But this shouldn't be happening,_ her entire being wailed. _I escaped from this... I left to be a..._

Get off, she willed him, as a terrified cry cut through the darkness.

"I will, in jus' a few seconds," was slurred into her ear.

She screamed angry, nonsensical words, reaching out for a weapon. His discarded armored boots at the foot of his bed would suffice, as she slammed one over his head. With a curse, he scrambled backwards from her, knocking the bedside table over and breaking the lantern. Smoke and flames filled the room as he squared off with her.

"What's the matter with you?" he yelled. She couldn't look at him, focused only on the thin trail of blood creeping down his neck. "I give you everything you could possibly want: a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your stomach," he continued to rant.

The droplet of blood disappeared under his shirt collar, and she gulped mouthfuls of air, her grip on her weapon tightening.

"All I ask is for one thing in return, and instead of doing what you're supposed to, you turn against me!"

She looked down to her hands as they tightened on the hilt of her weapon, the leather of her armor creaking. If she avoided his gaze, he couldn't hurt her... he- it- held no power over them...

He cursed at her, spitting at her feet. "I can't make you happy, can I, you whore?"

She'd make her own happiness, she silently vowed, rushing forward with her dagger. As she got close, he swung at her hand with the flat of a blade, knocking her weapon loose. She retorted by grabbing the second one on her belt, slowing him down with a stab to the back of his thigh. The sword slashed down, her pushing back to just barely miss it. He started forward, stumbled as he weakened from the loss of life force. A last desperate burst caught her, forcing her under a great amount of weight, pinning her other weapon under her. She could barely breathe as she reached overhead, reaching for the silver glint that lay just that much too far...

_Dear Maker, it's happening, and I can't stop it..._

"Give me another chance," the demon pleaded, still wearing the form familiar to her past. "I could have made you so much happier."

_Don't think... don't you dare think..._

In answer, she stabbed the retrieved blade into the red trail on his neck, watching as more overflowed, coated her hands, her armor, neck, and face. She pushed the demon back, gasping for a life that was ebbing away from him. She watched closely as his chest shuddered, grew still...

Flames still danced around them, warm blood coated her, and she couldn't have felt any more cold.

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><p><strong>AN: Here we have a little bit of info about an OC character I plan on getting started on very soon, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this as much as did learning this much more about her.<strong>


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